What is Narcissism, really?

André Luiz Figueirêdo
Mar 17
3 min read

The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot these days — in conversations, on social media, and in popular culture. It’s often used to describe someone who’s selfish, arrogant, or emotionally harmful. But as a psychiatrist, I can tell you: the way narcissism is used in everyday life is very different from how we understand it in clinical settings. And most importantly, it’s far more complex — and human — than simply labeling someone “toxic” or “bad.”

The Pop Culture View: Narcissist as “Bad Person”

In popular culture, calling someone a narcissist is often a way of pathologizing or condemning them. It’s used to describe people who seem self-absorbed, manipulative, or attention-seeking — often in the context of difficult relationships.

The word becomes a moral judgment, a shorthand for saying, “This person is selfish and harmful.”

But here’s the problem: this usage lacks nuance. It paints people with a broad brush and ignores the psychological vulnerabilities and context behind the behaviors.

The Clinical View: Narcissism as Vulnerability

In psychiatry and psychoanalysis, we understand narcissism in a very different light. Rather than seeing it as a sign of “badness,” we see narcissistic traits as often reflecting a deep vulnerability — particularly in how someone experiences their own sense of self-worth.

Some people, due to life experiences — often rooted in childhood — may have a fragile or undernourished sense of self. When the self isn’t fully “nourished” emotionally, a person may unconsciously need to invest a lot of energy in maintaining their self-esteem. This can show up as:

A strong focus on themselves.
Seeking constant reassurance or validation.
Being highly sensitive to criticism or feeling invisible.

These behaviors are often ways of coping with feelings of insecurity or not being “enough.” In this light, narcissism becomes less about arrogance and more about survival — keeping the self from collapsing under pressure.

And here’s something crucial: this doesn’t define the whole person. Many people show narcissistic traits only in specific situations — for example, at work, in romantic relationships, or when they feel threatened.

When It Becomes a Disorder

There are people whose narcissistic vulnerability is so intense that it shapes their entire way of relating to others and the world. In psychiatry, this is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) — a condition recognized in diagnostic manuals.

People with NPD often rely heavily on others for validation, may struggle with empathy, and can appear grandiose or entitled. But even in these cases, it’s important to understand that these behaviors are often protective — attempts to manage an unstable inner world.

Everyone Has Narcissistic Traits — And That’s Healthy

One of the most misunderstood facts about narcissism is this: we all have narcissistic traits. That’s not a flaw — it’s part of being human.

Healthy narcissism allows us to:

Have self-respect and confidence.
Feel pride in our achievements.
Set boundaries and take up space.
Seek recognition and affection from others.

Without healthy narcissism, we wouldn’t be able to function well. It becomes unhealthy only when someone’s sense of self is so vulnerable that they constantly need to overcompensate, or when their behavior causes harm to themselves or others.

Why This Matters

Understanding narcissism in this more compassionate, nuanced way helps us move beyond labels and toward curiosity — about ourselves and others. It allows us to see that behind many self-centered behaviors, there may be a person who is struggling to feel secure, seen, or valued.

It also helps us differentiate between someone with occasional narcissistic traits (like all of us) and someone whose entire personality is organized around those needs. The latter may benefit from professional support, but the former might simply need emotional attunement, boundaries, or understanding.

Final Thoughts

Let’s shift the conversation:

From “narcissist = bad person”
To “narcissism = a way of managing self-worth, which we all do in different ways.”

By recognizing narcissism as part of the human experience, we can develop more compassionate boundaries, avoid over-pathologizing others, and better understand the psychological roots of behaviors that might otherwise seem confusing or hurtful.